december 2016: i turned 12 and thought solange was telling me i had the right to be mad. with adolescence comes an exaggerated response in the brain's ventral striatum. the world likes to tell us that this is what turns children selfish. in reality, teenagers exhibit the most prosocial behavior out of any one. my prosociality came before any anger. but i knew that when it came, my actions would be bigger than the world. i stayed after school to organize the library books and loitered the halls because i didnt like the tightness of my house. one day i passed by the cafeteria while the high schoolers were rehearsing their in the heights show. my jaw fucking dropped. this is a real musical? about us? a girl standing on the table looked familiar. her slam poetry team had just gotten to finals at louder than a bomb massachusetts. i would loop their performances on youtube. i remember the squeak of her voice when she solo'd on the mic. i think i could be a poet... the following year, my friend's coooool older brother would join the team. he was one of 3 out trans students in the 8th grade. he taught me to be weary of certain acronyms thrown around my school. destin, you don't remember me but you showed me what made me mad.
may 2019: by the time i was 14, i took control of two cities. independence was a need. first i took control of boston. my esteemed student charlie card remained behind my phone case as it allowed me entry to the great ol' 430 bus across my school. i'd get off at malden center and take the orange line to wherever i had never been before. i often got on the subway with no destination. mami would text me: bicha vaga, igual a tu tata. but why would i stay home? could never get rid of the urge to involve myself in the city that is always promising me more. then my tia would call me all angry like, ita, why arent you at your primos graduation. tia, im stuck at the top of boston's tallest skyscraper right now, i wont get to everett in time!!! the second city i controlled is lynn, lynn... before spring came, we climbed the hills that seperate the mansions of saugus and the affordable housing community of lynn. i was with my best friend janisa, her friend aniya, and a another girl named destiny. we ran up the hill fearing the sun would set without us. there is one rock at the top. we all squeezed to sit on it as the sun fell far behind the boston skyline. as it got warmer, janisa, aniya, and i spent every weekend together along with my friend mikayla. chanclas or A1s to walk the lynn streets. looking at each other strolling through building 19 like damn we just a bunch of lynn hics. one day we sat on the stoop behind janisa's buela's apartment building. i knew jason was at the Y so i told him to come over. within 10 minutes here he comes on a stolen city bike. i didnt know he came to kiss mikayla. but my tia was calling me all angry. she asked what i was doing out vagando when we were about to cut the cake for mamis bday. i didnt know!!!
march 2021: at 16 i knew what i cared about. passion is a gift. i first needed to understand the world's action. found out our behaviors are all just rapid changes in electrical potential. then needed to document the world. the easiest way to do this is by cupping your hands around your eye- pretend they are binoculars. last is to battle the world. get a good mentor for this one; the worlds a fierce fighter.